I've been Bad!

I cheated! Oops lol... anyways on 12/12 I went to my company Christmas party which was a fabulous steak house called Flemmings, I'm sure someone has heard of it. I didn't cheat as far as food goes but I did have a few glasses of wine and 2 rum and diets which is a no no in this part of my diet. I found out the hard way that when you aren't taking in any carbs you get buzzed REALLY quickly! After my first 6oz glass of wine I was already pretty buzzed so you can only imagine how I was after the night was over and I had 4 more glasses of wine plus 2 cocktails.. The next day: Very bad hangover haha. Thats was the first time, then there was last week, I made cookies, fudge and rice crispy treats for everyone as Xmas gifts and I had a piece of the rice crispy treat and a piece of the fudge. I couldn't resist it but I did pay for it because my body didn't like the sugar... no need to explain that one further ;) ... Anyhow, I haven't lost anymore lbs but I do look alot thinner so I don't know if maybe I'm building some muscle and losing fat at the same time or what is going on lol but here are some new pics.

30lbs Down, 30lbs To Go!

Ok, so I just hit my half way mark and I couldn't be happier! I went shopping today and I kept grabbing size 14 and XL things... when I went to try them on they were way too big of course lol I guess I just have to get used to looking for smaller sizes. I just took pictures the other day and I didn't really think there was a big difference but I guess there is.

Here are some comparisons from the last time I took pics and also the difference between the beginning and now:

Almost Half Way Done

It's been a good while since I posted anything and that is because I really don't have anything new to share lol. Everything is the same, I have lost 27lbs so far and it has only been about 8 weeks (give or take a few days). At this rate I will be done losing all of the weight in another 9 weeks which is just in time for my wedding! The other morning when I was getting ready for work I happened to look up and see my Ed Hardy shirts that I was never able to wear and I thought to myself, I wonder if any of those will fit me yet... so I tried what looked like the biggest shirt out of all of them and it fit! It is a little tight in the boob area but other than that it looked great and I looked great in it! This morning I tried another one and it fit too with the exception of the boobs lol... Speaking of boobs, I have noticed that alot of people who have lost alot of weight say their boobs go with the weight but not mine! I'm not bragging I'm just confused haha, I would like them to get a little smaller because as of right now I can barely and I mean barely fit into a DD (even after losing 27lbs)! Anyways, I will post more pics eventually when I stop being lazy I guess!

New Pics!

I have lost 5 more lbs so I am now at 25lbs lost and 35lbs to go! It's exciting to lose all of this weight and I surprise myself everyday that I continue to stay on this diet and not cheat. I did try the chocolate mousse from my previous post and it is the best thing in the world!!! The fudge isn't very good, I either messed up the measurements on something or it really tastes that horrible lol... who knows with me these days! One thing that I have noticed is the more weight I lost the better my mood swings improve which is a good thing for my fiance lol and anyone else around me! I have been forgetting things that are very important though, like turning off the stove when I'm done cooking... oops! I have to try and figure out what is causing that and get it taken care of so I don't burn the house down or something!

Here are some pictures that I took this morning, I don't think I look that much smaller but people who don't see me that often say I am:

Anyways, I feel alot better even though it's only 25lbs and I can't wait to see how I feel once I have lost all of my weight!

Excited and Irritated @ the Same Time!

I feel like screaming right now, this really has nothing to do with my weight loss but I figured it would be something different to read. So, Thanksgiving is coming up and my family lives in Fresno, Ca and naturally I want to spend at least one holiday with them. I have 5 vacation days a year where I work and there were never any stipulations in the past 4 years that I have been here, until now! Yesterday I went in and asked if I could have the day after Thanksgiving off since I will be out of town and the jerkface of a boss said that if I take that day then I won't get my paid holiday which is stupid so me being stuborn, I argued with him about it and he said that he would talk to someone above him about it and get back to me today.
I have been waiting for an answer all day and still nothing so finally I just went and asked him and he said that I either have to take all of my vacation days at once meaning I don't come to work at all the week... which in the end would get me fired, or I can give up all of them to have the Friday after Thanksgiving off! I'm soooo pissed off right now! That isn't fair at all and I don't want to get fired so now I have to give up the other days off just so I can have one day... it doesn't even make any sense and he is a d*ck wad!

Anyways, on to my weight loss progress. I gained a pound damnit! I don't know how because I haven't cheated! I have to run today or something because I can't gain weight especially when I am trying so hard and I am being so good! I haven't added anything to my diet and I haven't changed my eating habits so I don't know what the hell is going on! On the plus side, I did find a few recipes for no carb deserts! There's chocolate mousse, brownies and fudge! Mmmmm, I'm going to see if any of them are any good. If anyone is doing the same diet here are the recipes:

Chocolate Mousse

Ingredients:

1/2 cup heavy or whipping cream

4 teaspoons Splenda

1 tablespoon cocoa powder

Whip heavy cream in a cold metal bowl with an electric mixer until stiff peaks form. (It helps if you place the bowl in the freezer a few minutes before you add the cream)  Gently fold in Splenda and cocoa. Yum Yum Enjoy!

Options:

For Mocha Mousse add 1 Tbsp. Espresso

 Amazing Chocolate Fudge

2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder (eg Valrhona)

1/2 cup heavy cream

2 tablespoons butter

4 ounces cream cheese

1/2 teaspoon vanilla

3 tablespoons Splenda

Melt butter in saucepan. Add cream and cream cheese. Stir until smooth. Add Splenda. Bring to a boil, stirring constantly. Lower heat, add cocoa and vanilla. Blend. Pour into a buttered dish and refrigerate for 3-4 hours. Cut into chunks and enjoy!

 Best Brownies (Step 2 only!)

8 ounces cream cheese

1 1/4 cups Splenda

5 large eggs

1 cup butter

1 1/4 cups Splenda

4 ounces unsweetened baking chocolate, cut into pieces

2 teaspoons vanilla

1 cup ground almonds, sifted

1/2 teaspoon baking powder

1 dash salt

Preheat your oven to 350° F. Spray a 9" by 13" pan.

In a separate bowl, beat cream cheese and 1/4 cup Splenda until smooth. Add 1 egg. Mix well.

Melt the butter and chocolate in a double boiler, stirring constantly. Remove from heat and allow to cool a little. Stir in the remaining Splenda and vanilla. Add the eggs one at a time, beating well after each. Stir in ground almonds, baking powder and salt. Mix well. Spread into the prepared pan. Spoon the cream cheese filling over the batter. Swirl to make a pattern. Bake 24 minutes or until a toothpick test indicates it is done. Cool and cut into squares.

A Third Of The Way Done!

I weighed myself this morning and I have officially lost 21lbs! Whoo Hoo! Yay for me! I needed to lose 60lbs total so now I am one third done! I'm not sure how you calculate the percentage of the weight lost but I think I'm at 10.4% lost. It sounds like so much when you look at the numbers from a percentage point of view.

I ran 2.5 miles on Saturday which doesn't sound like much but considering I am very lazy and I don't like doing anything that makes me sweat, it's progress lol. Yesterday I walked the 2.5 miles because I really didn't feel like running and my dog wasn't cooperating very well lol, I didn't feel like tripping over her leash to say the least. I don't think that I look very much different but I have noticed that my clothes are fitting me alot better, everything isn't so tight now.

My fav jeans fit me perfectly when they are just washed and they are a little too loose by the end of the day. I have another pair of jeans that I bought about 2 months ago and I was only able to wear them 2 times because they were so tight I couldn't breath when I sat down. This morning I decided that I would try those jeans on... they fit perfect! They aren't too tight and they aren't too loose!

There are alot of other clothes that I haven't even attempted to try on for months and months because I knew they wouldn't fit, I have a whole bag of brand new Ed Hardy shirts that I got like 6 months ago to try and inspire myself to lose weight but that obviously didn't happen lol in fact I just gained more weight! They are all short sleeved shirts so by spring/summer time when it is warm enough to wear them they are going to fit! I can't wait! Over here in SoCal they have Ed Hardy sales each year to get rid of old stock so I can't wait until next year when they have it again, I am going to go crazy and buy everything because I know it will fit me. If anyone knows anything about that brand they know that those clothes are made very small so their large is really like a small medium and it is very rare that they carry an extra large because god forbid someone that is over a size zero wear their clothes!

Anyways, I feel so much better now compared to almost 4 weeks ago  and I know in 4 weeks from now I will feel even better than I do now. My mood has improved, I'm not so grouchy all the time and little things that used to bother me aren't that big of a deal anymore... who wouldn't have thought that losing a few lbs could have that much impact on things like that lol

Realization

After a very hectic Saturday night at my house involving drunk ppl fighting and throwing up I decided to take a drive up to Big Bear to get my mother in law so she could come and restore order in my house lol... Desperate times call for desperate measures damn it! She is the only one that anyone will listen to!

Anyhow, Sat. night was my father in law's birthday which is why there were drunk ppl at my house. I had THE WORST time fighting with myself over whether or not I should take a bite of the delicious looking chocolate fudge cake that we got for him, in the end I did decide that it wasn't the best idea and I kept myself busy I wouldn't cheat.

In previous blogs I have referenced my sugar addiction to someone that is addicted to crack by saying sugar to me is like crack to a crackhead lol and I mean every word of that saying. I was talking to my mother in law yesterday and I have realized that I really am addicted to sugar and just food in general. I started noticing that when I got strong cravings it was when I was depressed, upset or stressed out. All this time, I never even realized that I was eating for comfort when I wasn't feeling "good". I never really thought someone could be addicted to food, I always just thought it was an excuse for fat ppl to eat or excuse their weight. Apparently it isn't and I am one of those ppl, unfortunately, that is addicted to food and especially sugar. It really is hard to admit to yourself that you actually have an addiction... I have always said that I don't get addicted to things. I would always start and stop smoking cigarettes and I even did meth way back in the day when I was an idiot. Not once did I ever get a craving for either one when I stopped, I just decided one day to stop and that was that. Sugar on the other hand has been a different story!

 Every single time I see something that is a desert or probably tastes sooo good I feel like a crack addict and I have to do everything in my power to not eat that food. I was talking to my brother in law and he was telling me that I don't know what it's like to have drugs around all the time and be so tempted to do them because I was never addicted, my response to that is yes I do buddy! Sugar is my addiction and having chocolate cake here in the house and all the other goodies that my fiance likes to eat is just the same as a recovering drug addict living in a house full of other people that are doing crack. He thought it was funny and alot of ppl that I say that to think it's funny but it isn't funny at all. I am very serious, I honestly believe that I am addicted to sugar and if I had a bite of cake or something close to it I don't think that I would stop at just one bite. I would eat a huge piece and then all of the hard work that I have done would be undone! It's sad and I sound like a damn fat ass but the truth is the truth and at least I am able to see it, understand it and admit it to myself which is going to help me in the end and help me continue to stay on my goal to lose weight, be healthy and get rid of my addiction.