Anyhow, Sat. night was my father in law's birthday which is why there were drunk ppl at my house. I had THE WORST time fighting with myself over whether or not I should take a bite of the delicious looking chocolate fudge cake that we got for him, in the end I did decide that it wasn't the best idea and I kept myself busy I wouldn't cheat.
In previous blogs I have referenced my sugar addiction to someone that is addicted to crack by saying sugar to me is like crack to a crackhead lol and I mean every word of that saying. I was talking to my mother in law yesterday and I have realized that I really am addicted to sugar and just food in general. I started noticing that when I got strong cravings it was when I was depressed, upset or stressed out. All this time, I never even realized that I was eating for comfort when I wasn't feeling "good". I never really thought someone could be addicted to food, I always just thought it was an excuse for fat ppl to eat or excuse their weight. Apparently it isn't and I am one of those ppl, unfortunately, that is addicted to food and especially sugar. It really is hard to admit to yourself that you actually have an addiction... I have always said that I don't get addicted to things. I would always start and stop smoking cigarettes and I even did meth way back in the day when I was an idiot. Not once did I ever get a craving for either one when I stopped, I just decided one day to stop and that was that. Sugar on the other hand has been a different story!
Every single time I see something that is a desert or probably tastes sooo good I feel like a crack addict and I have to do everything in my power to not eat that food. I was talking to my brother in law and he was telling me that I don't know what it's like to have drugs around all the time and be so tempted to do them because I was never addicted, my response to that is yes I do buddy! Sugar is my addiction and having chocolate cake here in the house and all the other goodies that my fiance likes to eat is just the same as a recovering drug addict living in a house full of other people that are doing crack. He thought it was funny and alot of ppl that I say that to think it's funny but it isn't funny at all. I am very serious, I honestly believe that I am addicted to sugar and if I had a bite of cake or something close to it I don't think that I would stop at just one bite. I would eat a huge piece and then all of the hard work that I have done would be undone! It's sad and I sound like a damn fat ass but the truth is the truth and at least I am able to see it, understand it and admit it to myself which is going to help me in the end and help me continue to stay on my goal to lose weight, be healthy and get rid of my addiction.
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